Mighty Girl
My face.


contact: maggie at mightygirl dot net

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Bryan Mason
Alice
Heather Armstrong
Matthew Baldwin
Sarah Brown
Heather Champ
Matt Haughey
Eden Kennedy
Jason Kottke
Lori
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Merlin Mann's 5ives
Obscure Store and Reading Room
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7.31.00
My favorite line from the Onion's story about Harry Potter turning kids to Satanism :
"Hermione is my favorite, because she's smart and has a kitty," said 6-year-old Jessica Lehman of Easley, SC. "Jesus died because He was weak and stupid."
3:51 p.m.
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I can't get anything done when the Onion posts a new edition. Here's every T.G.I. Friday's dining experience I've ever had:
Welcome to T.G.I. Fridays! May I annoy the living shit out of you?
2:40 p.m.
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7.28.00
I just bought a package of phallic stick pretzels called "Rods."
10:42 a.m.
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7.27.00
The shell of a cicada
It sang itself
Utterly away

-Basho
4:12 p.m.
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7.26.00
I'm back from my road trip, and as soon as I get my photos delveloped I'll have some doozies for the butts across America site.
1:49 p.m.
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7.19.00
I'll be on vacation for the next few days. Need... sunlight.
6:28 p.m.
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7.19.00


Butts Across America
National monuments and butt crack--two great tastes that taste great together.
2:37 p.m.
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From McSweeny's :
AN INVESTIGATIVE INTERVIEW BETWEEN A SEEMINGLY UNRELIABLE NARRATOR AND A WEEBLES REPRESENTATIVE

 SEEMINGLY UNRELIABLE NARRATOR: Is it true that Weebles
 wobble, but they don't fall down? 

 WEEBLES REPRESENTATIVE: Yes. 

 SUN: Does that mean they simply choose not to fall down, or that it is
 impossible for them to fall down? 

 WR: It is impossible for Weebles to fall down. And since Weebles are
 not living things, it is also impossible for them to choose to do
 anything. 

 SUN: Weebles aren't alive? But what about those creepy eyes? 

 WR: While Weeble artisans make a concerted effort to create a lifelike
 appearance on each and every Weeble, I can assure you that your
 Weebles are not alive. 

 SUN: Butó 

 WR: Seriously, they're not alive. Get a grip. 

 SUN: Okay, can we back up a little bit? Because I'm getting confused.
 Weebles fall down, but they don't wobble? Is that it? 

 WR: No, no, no. This is not difficult. They wobble, and do not fall
 down. How many times do I have to say it? 

 SUN: Well, wait a minute now. I stuck a Weeble into some Silly Putty,
 and now it's lying down. What do you have to say to that? 

 WR: Just because a Weeble is lying down does not mean that it fell
 down. Lying down is something one does on purpose, while falling
 down is accidental. 

 SUN: But how can Weebles do anything on purpose if they're not
 alive? 

 WR: Hey. That was just a figure of speech. 

 SUN: Okay, I'm dropping a Weeble off the edge of the Grand Canyon.
 I think now you have to admit that it's falling, don't you? 

 WR: Ah, well, now you're just taking advantage of the broader range of
 connotations of "fall" vis-ŗ-vis the comparatively narrow definition of
 "fall down". Perhaps this is a slightly abstruse semantic point, but while
 one can not fall down without falling, it is possible to fall without
 falling down, if you catch my drift. 

 SUN: Well, being seemingly unreliable, I don't quite follow you there,
 but let's move on anyway. What is inside a Weeble? 

 WR: Just plastic. Oh, and a single pellet of a mysterious superheavy
 compound from a faraway planet that fell to earth in a giant meteorite, of
 course. 

 SUN: While I've got you here, you don't know what happened to my
 cat, do you? It was in the bedroom the last time I looked. 

 WR: Well, the Weebles didn't eat it, that's for sure! Because they're not
 alive. Ha ha. Really. Not... alive. Can't stress that enough. I have to go
 now.

10:17 a.m.
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7.18.00

Exhortation
By Mike Nichols

You have not, as I, walked
the silent sleeping streets,
with streaming eyes, running
from the women in the windows.
You have not slid, as I have slid,
under the seas to see the shells,
smiling and swimming silently.
You have not seen the moon
running along the sky.
So shut up.
10:25 a.m.
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7.17.00
My two favorite Deep Thoughts by Jack Handy :

"Any time I see something screech across the room and latch on to someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I just have to laugh, because what is that thing?!"

"I can still recall old Mr. Barslow getting out every morning and nailing a fresh load of tadpoles to that board of his. Then he'd spin in round and round, like a wheel of fortune, and no matter where he stopped he'd yell out, "Tadpoles! Tadpoles is a winner!" We all thought he was crazy. But then, we had some growing up to do."
3:04 p.m.
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My struggle as a censored poet continues. Here's the latest renka the magazine wouldn't publish and one haiku that made it in:

Virtuoso Optimizer

3D graphics tool
Lets shoppers "see, touch, and feel"
E-commerce products.

Thatís what their site says.
The statementís implications
Arenít all G-rated.



Symantec Enterprise Security

Security tool
Blah blah modular blah blah
Go look at their site.

2:25 p.m.
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7.14.00
Found this on Slashdot :

"Here's an interesting way one Napster user is causing problems for Napster. In a nutshell, he's creating songs that are exactly the same length as a legitimate song, but with an annoying cukoo sound in place of the song. An interesting way to protest copyright infringement. ...Lots of Fingerbang fans are gonna be really annoyed when they waste all that download time!"
12:07 p.m.
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7.13.00
My friend's ex-boyfriend is getting married to a girl who says she only looks for three things in a man, "Laughter, Comfort, and Music."

Romantic philosophy, or the title of John Tesh's new Christmas album?
3:15 p.m.
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The Bad News:

DURBAN, South Africa (AP) -- Nearly 28 million children in Africa will have lost at least one of their parents to AIDS by the year 2010, causing a social nightmare for these countries for decades, according to a report released Thursday.
"The HIV pandemic is producing orphans on a scale unrivaled in history," said Susan Hunter, an author of the "Children on the Brink 2000" by the U.S. Agency for International Development. A summary was released at the 13th International AIDS Conference.
1:06 p.m.
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From the SF Chronicle's pic of the day site:


9:49 a.m.
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7.12.00
I don't know why I love this, but Julia Smith at Electric Biscut wrote:

The sprinklers just came on. (1:12 a.m.)
4:13 p.m.
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Are you in San Francisco? Go see Fletop (flee-top). They're an upstart band without a hell of a lot of material, but what they've got is mellow and smart. Great music and you'll feel like an intellectual afterward, even if you're drunk. Go catch a show now. Later, you can say you saw them on the El Rio patio and complain about how pissed you are that they sold out.
11:20 a.m.
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Collywobbles -- A belly ache.
10:49 a.m.
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7.11.00
EMAIL MOMENT!

To: Me
From: An old college friend who just got a new place.
Scenario: I just asked for his new address and phone number.
Excerpt: p.s. If you need an easy way of remembering our phone number, just remember that it spells KGSOH XI. You're on your own remembering the area code though.
4:17 p.m.
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A little dated, but still damn funny:

12:48 p.m.
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I heart The Onion :

As You Can See From My Name Brand Clothing, I Am Not Poor
That Female Looks Capable of Passing On My Genetic Material
Why Do All These Homosexuals Keep Sucking My Cock?
Smoove B.: Bring It On
Lilith Fair Performers, Attendees Achieve Largest-Ever Synchronized Ovulation
Coalition Of Developmentally Disabled Adults Demands Trip To McDonald's
12:17 p.m.
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7.10.00
"What a... stimulating exploration of ever-shifting social attitudes." That's probably what he said:

NEW YORK -- Bryant Gumbel is back on conservatives' hit list for what appeared to be a profane remark about a guest on his show.

The host of CBS' "The Early Show" was interviewing Robert Knight of the Family Research Council, who backed the recent Supreme Court decision allowing the Boy Scouts to ban gays as leaders. When the interview ended Thursday, Gumbel was heard saying "What a ..." before his microphone was turned off.

Knight said he thought Gumbel ended the remark with a profanity and the word "idiot," which a videotape reportedly supports. The American Family Association wants the network to give Gumbel the boot, and Knight wants an apology.

A spokeswoman for Gumbel said he left Thursday for vacation. She didn't know what he said.

Neither, apparently, did CBS News, which released the following statement: "He was making a casual remark of some sort, but it is unclear what the comment was and, in any case, it bears no relevance to the content of 'The Early Show.'"
11:10 a.m.
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7.6.00
We're on press deadline and our Web production editor just sent this out.

Subject: What I tell people I do.
"I'm but a serf in the corporate feudal system. I toil in a cube farm, tending to several Web sites. But my life is not without joy. During the day my fellow cube dwellers may take a break from the glaring fluorescent lights over us and the CRTs in front of us, and someone may pull out a tinwhistle or an MP3 player and break into a little tune. We may smile a little and, if for a moment, forget our carpal tunnel aches. Today is an especially busy time, so the lords may add a handful of hay to our beds or a couple more potatoes to the Indian curry we've ordered online. The weekend allows little reprieve as at the end of the day I will strap the trusty laptop to my back and continue to wipe the sweat from my brow tomorrow and the next day. We are but simple folk and hopefully one day I will have accrued enough in my 401K to free myself from these chains."
11:20 a.m.
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7.5.00
I've been yawning a lot today, which probably only means I'm tired. However, I suspect that the oxygen/CO2 ratio in the office is out of whack. They're giving us just enough air to function, but not enough to organize a revolt.

Then again, I also worry that the metal detectors at the library are slowly rearranging my intestines.
3:27 p.m.
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Why am I always stunned when I run out of staples?
3:19 p.m.
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